so... went on a date today. havent been on a date for a while, and it went pretty well! i plan on seeing this guy for a while. so hopefully we'll see where this goes eh?

i feel as though im ready to date again. like... i want to go out on dates, and see where it goes from there. but not so sure if im ready for such a serious thing or a big commitment quite yet. so we'll see what happens. hehe.

umm... other than that, im kinda stressing out about colorguard right now. kinda messing up a bit and its not fun. and the fact that i dont have marching band as an elective, im pretty much getting screwed over. which completely sucks cuz if mr.showitz decides to go into another set that i dont know where my dot is, i can hurt someone or even me. which im terrified of.

the thing im mostly stressing out about, is hurting someone right now and dropping my flag. which'll suck.

main goal right now is to worry about school, enjoy life, organize things out, and getting myself together.

so... been busy with alot of school work and colorguard lately. pretty good.  so thats been keeping me busy and im quite satisfied with how im doing this year so far. but this is just the beginning so who knows?

hmm... just recently, i kinda broke this great kids heart. like... i just recently got myself out of a really bad relationship, and i need time for myself. right now, i just want to have fun, flirt, and meet other people instead of just getting out a relationship for over a year, and go straight into another one. and im also quite ruined too. my self esteem has gone done quite ALOT, and im trying to get used to being lonely and all since i dont talk to a certain person late at night.

so i feel really bad cuz i really do like this boy and he really likes me. but... im just not ready yet.

"I would have given you all of my heart, but there's someone who's torn it apart"  <--- dont really like this song, but this quote just basically explains it for me at this moment.

*sigh* still kinda lonely though. dont know what to do really. but hopefully ill make it through.

oh, btw. i got a hair cut. pretty cute. its a bit shorter, so fun fun!!!

hehe. well off to do some work again. bye!

well now. ive finally decided that im coming back to mindsay after all. i used to have another account but i guess it got deleted cuz i decided to stop writing in it. bangbangimdead <--- old account.

well now... what do i have to say??

well, i decided to come back because ive had much better sucess with mindsay than anything else. i cant write on my xanga anymore, cuz then people will start thinking that im writing about them. but on here, i can meet new different people, and write all i want, and not get put down at school or someting.  not fun!!!

so... hmm... i talked to one of my ex's today and he made me think alot today. like... lately ive been quite lonely and sad cuz my recent bf, well ex bf now for over a year, cheated on me and i broke up with him. so ive just been everywhere, trying to get myself back together, now that my self esteem is quite ruined, and my trust in people is ruined as well.

well... i just recently almost got into a car accident, and i started thinking, "everyone needs to be forgiven." and i thought, "if i die, i want him to know that i died still caring for him. i dont want to die with him thinking that i didnt care for him one last bit." so just thinking about it that way, i wanted to be friends, and be there for him when he falls. because if he dies, i dont want him to think i didnt care, cuz i still do.

i dont love the guy, but i do care because im a nice girl and thinks that the people that have made a huge impact in my life, deserve to know that i care for them, because they made me learn a valuable lesson.

"each relationship that ends, you can either learn from it, or just keep making those mistakes and expect the same out of each relationship."

so then a different ex that i was talking to over the phone, told me that i shouldnt forgive the guy because if i forgive him, itll give him a chance to do it again. making the same mistakes, never learning from it because he'll think, "oh wow, she forgave me. now im going to just cheat on any girl i want."

i mean i understand that if i forgive him, he might do the same. and he has done this to me before, so... idk what i should do anymore...